TCP/FO

(to the tune of "Hedgehog Pie", even though it looks more like Dr. Seuss)

I'll sing you a song if you'll patiently wait,
About an admin whose head was not straight;
He reasoned he would, as brazen as you please,
Devise some protocols which defy RFCs..

Sending SYN SYN|ACK ACK, send a FOAD FIN FIN|ACK,
SYN SYN|ACK ACK FOAD FIN FIN|ACK

His site was the target of many a spammer,
At his closed relay they'd constantly hammer,
And mail all his users both porn ads and scams,
His anger was rapidly bursting its dams...

Sending SYN SYN|ACK ACK, send a FOAD FIN FIN|ACK,
SYN SYN|ACK ACK FOAD FIN FIN|ACK

Now this chap thought, with his heart full of hate,
"How to show other hosts that they're not so great?
They spam my poor system and bang on my doors,
How best to deal with these internet whores?"

Sending SYN SYN|ACK ACK, send a FOAD FIN FIN|ACK,
SYN SYN|ACK ACK FOAD FIN FIN|ACK

Suddenly the thought hit him with a great flash,
To enact a procedure which some might call rash.
"I'll stop those lame spammers," he said, eyes a-gleam,
"By cutting off access to all my machines."

Sending SYN SYN|ACK ACK, send a FOAD FIN FIN|ACK,
SYN SYN|ACK ACK FOAD FIN FIN|ACK

"There's a few domains that we know behave well,
The rest of them, they can just go straight to hell."
With these ominous words, he outlined his plan,
And went off straight away to wall up his LAN.

Sending SYN SYN|ACK ACK, send a FOAD FIN FIN|ACK,
SYN SYN|ACK ACK FOAD FIN FIN|ACK

He secured his net; it'd catch a virtual fly,
Most hosts would be told to "Fuck off and die."
"That'll show these losers," he said with some scorn.
"I'd be more forgiving if they sent decent porn."

Sending SYN SYN|ACK ACK, send a FOAD FIN FIN|ACK,
SYN SYN|ACK ACK FOAD FIN FIN|ACK

But that night his boss booted up AOL,
And in less time than this tale takes to tell,
His work login was blocked; nothing could be seen,
But that "Fuck off and die," flashing there on his screen.

Sending SYN SYN|ACK ACK, send a FOAD FIN FIN|ACK,
SYN SYN|ACK ACK FOAD FIN FIN|ACK

The company's stock doubled price overnight,
With the useless mail traffic at last put to flight.
But that one sysadmin who brought all this to pass?
He's at a new job; they fired his ass.

Sending SYN SYN|ACK ACK, send a FOAD FIN FIN|ACK,
SYN SYN|ACK ACK FOAD FIN FIN|ACK

 
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© 2001 John Klein